If you’re asking this question, the chances are that you’ve never experienced the phenomenon (i.e. love at first sight) before, or that you might have experienced “something” but are not sure if it was “love at first sight.”
The thing that happens with topics like this – topics with little or no empirical data available – is that it gets subjected to people’s interpretations, and since interpretations vary from person to person and from situation to situation, the conclusions are often disunited and sometimes contradictory. That is why some people think “love at first sight” is real, whilst others think it is fake. But what is even real or fake? What does it all mean?
Another issue when you discuss matters like this is that people misunderstand the subject in the first place. What is “love at first sight”? and what do people mean when they say that they have experienced “love at first sight” – what are the signs of love at first sight?
These, and more are some of the questions we will go over here. So, sit back and pay close attention.
What Is Love At First Sight?
In the literal sense, “love at first sight” means falling irrationally in love with a person simply based on all you know about them within your first few seconds, minutes, or hours of interaction with them. It sounds extremely reckless when you think about it that way, but in the same vein, it appears to be extremely exhilarating – like jumping off a plane – and it does feel euphoric, which is exactly why some latch onto it.
“Love at first sight” is that feeling that hits you unexpectedly and causes you to fancy a person enough to approach them despite your fears, worries, or lack of preparation; or that keeps you up at night and torment you for days or weeks on end for not approaching them.
“Love at first sight” doesn’t mean that you are willing to die for the person (as a mother might for her babies), but that you are willing (or compelled) to take an unusual level of risk to talk to (and get to know) them.
And, when “love at first sight” is reciprocated (with a smile, or any welcoming response) it is intensified – that compulsion to get closer to them, and in fact “to be” with them increases – pushing you to want to know more about them, and to present yourself (your interests, thoughts, and feeling) to them.
I order words, just as hunger compels us to eat, “love at first sight” compels us to bond.
Now, this is where things get complicated.
Is love at first sight good or bad
“Love at first sight” isn’t good or bad, just as eating isn’t good or bad. If anything, it leans more towards the good. The only thing that you need to realize is that, just like eating, you need to exercise some caution when the overwhelming urge comes. You surely won’t eat a packet of sugar because you are hungry, so also you shouldn’t get married to the first person that causes your genitals to tingle.
This is not to say that you should resist the feeling, but that you should apply caution – maybe do some investigation first before getting entangled. For all we know, “love at first sight” is simply our reaction to chemical reactions in our brains.
Does “Love At First Sight” Last Forever
Since “love at First Sight” is greatly driven (and sustained) by the chemicals in our brains. When we see people who appeal to us – who share characteristics that we admire, remind us of our parents, or are simply “hot” – our brains release the feel-good hormones – such as serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine amongst others – which then floods our neural circuitry, and causes us to feel energetic, giddy, and reckless.
And, as you can guess, these feelings are temporary – lasting between hours to a few weeks or months depending on how much they are triggered and looped.
For instance, if you get struck by “love at first sight” by someone who lives in your neighborhood, the chances are that you would feel it for a prolonged period as running into them would continually loop (and intensify) the feeling.
But in all, “Love at first sight” is transient by nature.
Can Love At First Sight Lead To Marriage
“Love at first sight” can lead to marriage, but not always.
It causes people to find each other irresistible – tempting them to bond tightly (maybe even jump in bed with each other as often as possible), but then it requires more than “feelings” to get married.
Marriage is a huge undertaking: Many people would love their friends and families to be there on their special day. Some would love to throw a huge party. While some (especially men) would like to achieve a certain goal before getting married.
That said, a Marriage may just pose too much stress for a relationship that is running on hormones. Hence, proposing a Marriage usually freaks out most people, and causes them to rethink the relationship (or at least, the pace it is proceeding); though some people are already “ready” – who don’t have any financial worries, nor worry too much about families and friends – but even at that, jumping headfirst into a committed relationship with someone you barely know can be dangerous.
Why Is Love At First Sight Dangerous
It is possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, makes us feel worse about ourselves, doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down. – Mark Manson.
The above quote sums it up beautifully. The harsh truth about life is that while we may be pure-hearted and “good”, there are those who intentionally prey on innocent people, or who are so toxic that blindly falling in love with them would be the equivalent of sipping hemlock daily.
That said, it is not “love at first sight” which is dangerous, but committing to strangers, that is. It is dangerous because:
– We Barely Know Them (to know if they are really worth the investment): when the feeling sets in, it may be hard to see through the dense cloud of emotions. Our hormones are acting up, and our minds are not acting much different from that of someone who is high on hereon. The best strategy is usually to delay any serious commitments till you get to know them better. This doesn’t mean you should resist the feeling or even hide it, but that you should channel that into becoming friends with them – getting to know them in and out. This is usually an essential foundational investment at it makes room for other meaningful relationships to be built on. Like Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”. This is crucial because if the person differs from us too much (i.e. if they are not compatible with us) we may grow unhappy and resentful of them as the effects of the hormones fade, and their true nature shines through.
– We Almost Can’t Think It Through (so we ignore red flags): The previous advice would save you from future regret, but this very one would save you from future harm. When we fall in love at first sight, we seldom notice toxic behavior; even when we do, we ignore them. Why? Because we’re in love. This is where you need to take a step back. It is usually better you prepare for this before even being in a situation you’d need it. Toxic characters are stealthy when you are close to someone, and that is why you must decide beforehand what your limits are. You may not be able to call them toxic when you are still in love with them, but at least you can decide that you won’t take insults, lies, or beatings from anyone. And you start training yourself early by not taking it from colleagues, friends, and family.
– We Get Distracted Easily: When you’re in love, every other thing feels puny compared to the object of your desires. As a result, we become willing to risk our careers, reputation, and other relationships to be with the person we love. This can prove to be very disastrous if it is allowed to happen.
– We Ignore Issues As They Arise: Rather than identifying, tackling, and solving problems that arise in relationships, people who are in “love” usually glaze over problems (because they believe that their “love” is stronger than those minor issues, and don’t want to risk the relationship over petty matters). But, the issue is that things compound. And when problems linger long enough, they spew bigger problems, and then one day, everything comes crashing down. The result? Terrible breakup and child care support.
Now, the big question is, how do you know it is “love at first sight” that you are experiencing to brace for it.
What Are The Signs Of Love At First Sight
Thankfully, our bodies are tethered to our minds; there are physical patterns that we can notice, which strongly indicate what is going on in our minds. And, even when those reactions are not overt, taking out time to survey our mental landscape can help us tell if it’s love at first sight.
So, below are some signs of love at first sight that you can notice right away
– You Can’t Stop Staring At Them: Somehow, they become the most beautiful thing in a room full of art.
– You Can’t Stop Thinking About Them: Not even when you are working or sleeping. Talking about sleep
– You Lose Sleep Because Of Them: It may get so intense that falling asleep becomes an issue.
– You Want To Know More About Them: you want to go out and find out all about them
– You Feel Compelled TO Talk To Them: whenever you do see them, you can’t quench the desire to go talk to them
– You Always Want To Be With Them: When you get acquainted with them, you wish to spend all your time with them.
– Your Heart Literally Responds To Them: Your heart may flutter whenever you see them, or when they talk to you.
– You Feel Butterflies In Your Stomach: excitement
– You Stutter Around Them: You may find that your tone and rhythm of speaking changes;
– You Feel Comfortable Around Them: You don’t feel threatened by them. In fact, you are willing to tell them any and everything about you.
– You Feel You Have Known Them All Along: It almost feels as though you’ve met somewhere before – maybe you were lovers in a previous life even
– You Want Them Happy With You
– You Can’t Explain The Feeling:
Final Thoughts [Koi No Yokan]:
The Japanese have an interesting phrase, “Koi No Yokan”, which can be said to mean “the feeling that someone you just met would inevitably be your lover” – it is almost like an automatic selection of a mate. It doesn’t literally translate to “love at first sight” (which, by the way, is “Hiromebore” in Japanese) but suggests that even though you may not see the particular reason why this love would happen, you feel it would eventually happen.
So, why am I bringing this up now?
It is because when people bring up the subject of “love at first sight”, they are often fixated on the outward feelings of excitement (based on attraction – something that is easily misleading, and which is warned against), but sometimes “love at first sight” can be a process of discovery – it may not feel exciting at first, and might require time to blossom. But then, it is still felt.
And when that happens – when you feel the suspicion of love and follow it – that instantaneous (and rather illogical gut) feeling may become an overture to something more.
But as always, try not to put any pressure on yourself. You got this.